Date & Dessert Night

Please note, Date & Dessert Night is currently on hold. We will let you know about our next evening.

The Intimate Marriage. By R.C. Sproul

Part 3. Knowing Each Other 

Dear UCC married couples,

in Date and Dessert night Zoom meetings, we will be studying a teaching series, “The Intimate Marriage,” by R.C.Sproul and Ligonier Ministries.

You should watch the videos before you get on the call. This week’s video, Knowing Each Other, can be viewed here. You will find teaching notes as well as study questions that we will discuss on the call below. Enjoy!

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Knowing One Another

I. It’s important to fully comprehend what God means by knowing.
A. The use of the verb “to know” is significant in the Old Testament.

  • Knowing speaks of the deepest level of human intimacy.
  • For intimacy to be possible, knowledge has to take place.

B. If we are to experience intimacy in our marriages, we have to get to know

our partners.

  • Marriage cannot be continued and sustained by feelings alone.
  • Knowing anything requires study.
    • The two biggest priorities in a man’s life are his marriage and his career.
    • Most men spend little time or energy preparing for marriage or getting to know their wives.

C. Happy marriages don’t come from doing what comes naturally.

  • We can learn a lot by studying a person outwardly.
  • Real learning must occur at a deeper level.

II.There is a way to “knowing.”

A. If you want to know each other, you have to talk!

  • You must discuss feelings and ideas, not just commonplace reac- tions (second level of communication).
  • Games can reveal felt needs.
    • What would I be if I could be something different?
    • In the mail-order partner game, you can pick the options you would choose in an ideal partner.

B. Felt needs are not insignificant and must not be neglected.

  • We are not called to selfless love, but we are not to have selfish love either.
  • What are your partner’s priority needs?
  • Try to meet all the top felt needs of your spouse.
  • If one of your top five felt needs is not being met, it becomes your point of vulnerability.
  • We take for granted the things that are going fine in our marriage and overemphasize our unfulfilled longings.
  • Communication is vital in determining your partner’s felt needs.

Discussion Questions

  1. What is a felt need? How does it differ from a real need? Which is more important? Could one have a felt need that did not correspond to the way things really were? If so, how could a felt need be changed?
  2. How important is one’s family background to a marriage? How does it affect one’s concept of what a marriage is?
  3. What three things could you do this week to show your spouse that you sincerely want to get to know him/her better?
  4. What ingredients are necessary for a lasting marriage?
  5. What would society say are the five most important needs in life? What would today’s culture list as the five most important characteristics of a marriage? How would a biblical perspective on these two subjects differ from the world’s? How has society infiltrated what we as Christians believe to be the important needsof our lives and our marriages? What can the church do to regain a pure biblical perspective?
  6. What are some things that block effective communication? What tendencies characterize a bad conversationalist? What can be done to overcome these charac- teristics? What can you do to encourage better communication between you and your spouse?
  7. Think of the areas of your life that you find difficult to discuss with your spouse? Why do you think you feel this barrier? What do you feel would be necessary before you could be more open about these areas? What steps can you take right now to begin this process?
  8. List four things you could do to improve the quality of your communication with your spouse. Also identify any areas that may hinder effective communication between you. What can you do about these? Develop a plan to meet with your spouse on a regular basis just to talk. Make it your goal to get to know each other better.